T I M E

Remember when you were a kid and you couldn't wait to be old enough to go out without your parents, or have your own place so you could have your friends over whenever you wanted for nights of haribo and dance routines?

Remember when time didn't feel like a form of currency, and you wouldn't feel guilty for wishing it away (except work days because when ten minutes feel like an hour and the day is crawling by, wishing for six o'clock is completely ok). Yeah, those were the good old days. Looking back to sixth form it frustrates me how often I would wish away those last years in the comfort of my home, under the financial care of my parents. Going through uni, I would wish away the months of stressful assignments, not realising in doing so I was pre-empting graduation and the real world. Now I live for the weekends, and every weekend I experiment with finding the balance between having enough time to chill and reboot, and also getting myself out and about doing 'London' things - because what is the point of working tens hours a day, five days a week for half of my pay check to go on extortionate rent and not be experiencing the city in my free time?

This idea of time is a really tricky one to talk about. Because as much as trying to make the most of my time and plan stuff really frustrates me, spontaneity is also quite impractical. Growing up I always got so frustrated with my parents for saying things like 'when the money comes in we'll do that' or 'once such and such is out of the way we can start thinking about this' - like 'NO Mum...lets plan it now.' And even though going into true adulthood I am beginning to see why they were like that, I am also rebelling against falling into that same pattern. Yes money is tight, yes my time doesn't feel my own, but that is why getting stuff in the diary to look forward to is so important. Without fail the day before pay day I am down to my last five pounds, but that isn't stopping me from trying to get a holiday in the books. I am desperate for some sun, sand and sea. See exhibit one below:

I want a tan, I want a pina colada, and I want to enjoy a book without someone reading it over my shoulder whilst they breathe down my neck on the tube. So what if that means I wont have a single pound of savings for a while, life is way to short to always be planning ahead. Sometimes people forget to think about the moment they're currently in, but nobody knows what life has in store for them, so I think it's so important to embrace the short term ahead of the long term plans.

I had a valentines brunch with a friend yesterday who sat and patiently listened to me freak out about not knowing where I should be or what I should be doing in life. As so often nowadays I'm like:

Once I'd finished ranting about what plans I hadn't made and what things I haven't done yet, she said to me very calmly: 'Tiz, you are twenty-one years old, trust that you are exactly where you're meant to be right now.' Like, shit, she's only six months older than me, but she has this trust in the idea that the world has a plan, and it really got me thinking. Life will always throw curveballs at you, and you will be dodging each one as they come, so even though it's important to keep in mind a knowledge of who you are and where you'd like to be in the future, don't not live in the now whilst you're getting there.

PS. Cheap holiday destination recommendations are welcome.

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