H E A L T H
So for the first time in years, going through school, uni and various part-time jobs, I took a sick day. I am not usually someone who lets myself get sick, I am a complete germaphone, vomit'aphobe, and never let a cold get the better of me. However on Tuesday last week I literally woke up with neck glands so huge that I couldn't physically move my head, on top of that breathing was a struggle, and I had a new husky (in a non-sexy way) thing going on with my voice. Being the first person clients see as they walk into our office meant that this was just not an acceptable way to be at work, so the day off was unavoidable. Now despite feeling like absolute sh*te warmed up, I found this day so cathartic. In true hopeless Bridget Jones fashion I cocooned myself in a duvet and downed a substantial amount of liquids, merely swapping out the wine and vodka for tea and honey and lemon.
Instead of being concerned with what I was eating I enjoyed a white bread baguette with soothing soup (bread is rare for me), and ensured I ate an entire pack of biscuits and a tub of Ben and Jerrys while I had the excuse. The realisation that I didn't have to put any makeup on or style my hair was like a weight off my very congested chest, and the days' agenda of completing the netflix series I'd only began the night before was just fab. So I must say I embraced that day off in true sick day fashion.
All jokes aside, though I am physically on the mend, albeit still a bit sniffly and feeling guilty for missing a weeks worth of gym sessions, I did want to touch on something that I know affects quite a lot of people, including myself. The reason I feel this illness got the better of me was predominantly due to my own mental state. This also explains my lack of posts in the last few weeks. As someone who experiences extreme highs and severe lows, the reality is that my own mood can really effect my physical health. When you're suffering from a cold or a bug it's easy to explain your symptoms; naussea, a fever, hot and cold sweats, these are all things people have at one point or another experienced before, so can empathise with. However mental health is not always something people can understand. Not everyone has the exact same diagnosis, symptoms, or ways of dealing with it.
You can't take a lemsip for waking up one morning and for no specific reason feeling completely empty. You can't take a paracetamol for when you feel so anxious you don't want to leave the house or have to deal with people. This is what people who haven't experienced some sort of mental health issue don't seem to understand. You can't take a day off work because you feel 'down' or 'flat', that's unacceptable in the world we live in. And I am not blinkered, I completely understand why. However what I find so frustrating is when people who are so blind to mental health have the cheek to walk past you and say; 'smile love', like you hadn't already had an exhausting battle with your own inner demons to make yourself leave the house that morning, on top of that you have some insensitive ass who feels the need to make a quip to a stranger or even a colleague, with no consideration of what may be happening behind the scenes.
People who know me or of me going through school or uni probably never suspected that I would struggle with this, and truthfully it's only really my family and closest friends who are privy to it. However I'm realising that staying silent about these struggles helps nobody, least of all yourself. I'm not saying you need offload this information on everyone you know; your boss, your hairdresser, your neighbours' dog. What I am saying is, know that you aren't alone, know that almost everyone is battling something behind closed doors, know that awareness is key.
To anyone else out there who battles with their own mind every morning and still manages to go to work on time, who fights the urge to be a recluse but still upholds good relationships with friends or partners, or who daily fights a feeling of worthlessness but still strives for success, please know that you are doing great, and I have so much respect for you all.
More to follow!
